i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Congratulations! We have a period
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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