I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
