This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
