ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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