End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
then he tried to convert me to islam
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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