he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
