i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
