Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
