I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
