Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
someone owes me an orgasm
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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