i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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