I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
