I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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