Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
