The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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