I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's never too late to be topless.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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