Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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