Capitaan dildo arrescate!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
