i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize