at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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