I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
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He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
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Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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