How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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