how hairy? two words: wookie tits
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
