Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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