we have officially lost it.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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