I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
