I wanna bring you to show and tell
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
