There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
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