Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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