If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Bring me that man meat
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
