I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
