Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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