fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Randomize
