U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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