he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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