The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
