What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
