Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
