It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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