I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
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Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
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If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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