im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
