In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
