By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
