maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
