Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
