HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
