Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
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Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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