i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
