garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you win again, gameday.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
