Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
