woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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