i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
