Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
