I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
