I hate all girls vehemently.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
