she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
