I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
