I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
