If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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