I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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