is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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