Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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