I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
And then my night got REAL pukey
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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