I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
