The maid of honor just puked.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
