maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Randomize
