Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
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It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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