I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
