I'm so fucking centered right now
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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