he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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