2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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