currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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