i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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