So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You took a bar mat shot.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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