morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize