sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
