Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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