my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
