All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
