According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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